Don't even say the word 'bacon'!

Progressing through this sixth week, I've experienced many changes. For the first couple weeks I was only getting a little queasy at night, just before bed. Which was pretty easy to tolerate since I could just go to sleep. Monday was the first wave of actual "morning sickness". Eww. I am one of those people who always eats breakfast. My favorite meal of the day. I couldn't even get my favorite Cinnamon Life cereal down.

If you know me pretty well, you know that I am a pretty healthy eater. I try to get all my servings of fruits and veggies in and I drink milk with my supper. That has gone to crap. Everything I crave is not good for me. For example the other night I had the option to eat whatever I wanted. Fast food included. What was my decision? Stopping by Russ's Market on the way home to pick up a box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese and a can of pork n' beans to put on top! I know right! It was so delicious. Justin could barely watch the madness.

We made BLTs the other night. It was our own "market meal" type dinner. We picked up our favorite bacon at Frank's stand at the farmers market and a fresh tomato. The sandwich was delicious. The lingering bacon grease smell in the house? Not so much. Ugh. I had to take the trash out immediately and Clorox the kitchen sink! It wouldn't go away. I had candles and air fresheners going. I could still smell it the next day coming home from work. I couldn't even eat the leftovers the next day. It was awful! There is a small breakfast shop on my walk to work that I have to totally avoid now because of the aroma of bacon. Which is so sad because it always reminded me of waking up to that smell when I stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's house on the farm. I hope that will come back someday.

The other thing that is a HUGE change for me, that has really surprised me is my realization of how tired I really must be. Now, if you've ever lived with me for any amount of time, you know that I make my bed every morning. I mean EVERY morning. I can't leave the house without knowing it's been done. Well, I'm ashamed to tell you the past week or more, the bed...has...not...been...made. Gasp!!! I'm just too tired okay? Don't judge me. It was so funny the first day this happened, Justin came to tuck me in bed and he gasped at the fact that the blankets were all messed up. He hugged me and said, "Honey, I'm so proud of you!". See, I'm telling you. This. Is. Not. Normal. This baby is preparing me for what it will be like when he/she arrives. I'll have much more important things to do than make the bed!

One last thing that changed just this morning. I had to pull out my fat jeans. 'Nuff said.

A beautiful sight...

Yesterday I witnessed one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

It didn't take long for them to confirm that baby had reached my uterus and attached successfully!! What a huge answer to prayer this was for us. I was so happy to have Justin by my side to experience our first look at the tiny being inside of me. How delicate the tiny 2 millimeter poppy seed looked. We lucked out to even get to see the tiny flash of the beating heart. The nurse said this was probably the earliest it would have been able to be seen. I stare at the sonograms in complete awe and wonder of what God is creating and I feel so blessed that He has given me the pleasure to help with the job. Justin and I can't keep the smile off our faces. After leaving the doctor's office it seemed even more real to me that this is really happening. I'll admit, I was nervous for the appointment, remembering what my very first ultra sounds were like when the outcome was not a happy one. But God gave me strength and I've been given a new energy to take on these next 8 months. We'll continue to pray for these delicate weeks ahead. Thank you for all of the prayers. You are all truly a huge part of this for us. Prayer is a powerful thing.

Keep calm and carry on

Week four is coming to an end and the start of week five is right around the corner.

I've felt pretty good this first week. Tired, but that's not really unusual for the girl who is ready to call it a day by 9:30 in the evening. I've had a gradual increase of queasiness the past few days, usually early in the morning and later in the evening, but nothing too bad. I'm sure there will be more to come, and like I've said before, I gladly welcome it!

I'm surprised at how peaceful my heart and mind has been this last week. God has truly set a calmness in my spirit that I am so thankful for. There were a couple situations this week that I wanted so badly to share our big news, but knew it was not the right time yet.

Much of my calmness is thanks to a wonderful husband. I can't thank God enough for blessing my life with someone who I know loves me more each day. We continue to learn a lot about ourselves on this newest journey our life has set upon. I can't wait for the weeks and months ahead for him to be by my side learning about what is happening to my body and the babe inside. We are getting ready in a couple weeks to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary. Say what? Five years? Already? It truly seems impossible until I really start thinking and remembering all that we've done these past five years. What an amazing story God has and continues to write for us. We are excited to see where the next five take us. 

Looking forward to the early ultrasound on Friday. We are praying that the baby made it's way safely to my uterus and that my hormone levels continue to look good. Thanks to all the many  prayers that have already been said for us. We are blessed to have you all with us on this journey.

Prego!

So we've spilled the beans to our closest family and friends. Whew! What a relief. It's hard to have such an exciting secret and all you want to do is shout it from a mountain top! Until then, you can find updates to what's happening with me and the tiny blessing growing inside me here on my blog. Since we aren't telling the whole world yet (especially not the Facebook world...Grandmothers I'm talking to you ; ) I thought keeping you special people informed by way of blogging might work out well. (In other words, I'm counting on you not to shout it from a mountain top quite yet either ; ) So I'm going to give it a shot. I ask for your prayers of course for a healthy pregnancy, but more so that whatever happens that we would continue to trust God and what His plans are for us.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Because of the ectopic I had previously they wanted to start this time taking blood tests to measure my hormone levels. They called back yesterday afternoon with the first results and the nurse said "Your numbers look great!"  Oh, how happy I was to hear that! She said they looked good enough that they wouldn't need me to come back till next Friday (July 16) when they will do an early ultrasound. I will only be in my 5th week at that time so they don't expect to see a heartbeat yet, but they will just be checking to make sure he/she is is the right spot. I'm looking forward to it, but will be nervous I'm sure. Again, I'll be posting updates as often as I can right here.

I love you all so very much and thank God that Justin and I have so many family and friends that truly care for us and we for you.

On cloud nine...

On cloud nine months that is. ; ) 

Took the test early this morning and the result..."Pregnant".  I must say I was actually really surprised. I hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary so I wasn't expecting it at all. Well I'm expecting now!  I didn't know how I would react. Of course, we've been trying again for the last two months so we wanted it to happen. But I didn't know if any feelings of sadness or fear would arise after our first pregnancy loss. But I must say, I was very happy. I even giggled with excitement to myself around 5:20am this morning as I waited for the hourglass on the test to do it's thing. I may have took a double, maybe triple-take. I had to wake Justin up (on our day off this holiday) really early. I told him he could go back to sleep, but we had too much to be excited for! He made homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Perfect way to celebrate.

It was so nice to have the day off work. I've been able to soak it in. It's crazy how your mind immediately switches to constantly thinking about the thing growing inside you now and how you want to do everything right. I feel prepared since I've been through this part once before, as far as the head knowledge you can feed yourself. There is so much out there. I'm actually finding myself at peace to not have to fill my head with it all right now. I want to take every day as it comes. Enjoying every new discovery. I've even said that I will GLADLY take any crazy pregnancy symptom there is out there. If it means that on March 15, 2011 I will become a mother to a precious girl or boy (or one of each! Did I mention I'm not against having twins?), pass me the morning sickness and a side of pickles and ice cream, I'm ready to take you on!

I will continue to praise God for this gift of excitement in learning that you are pregnant. Nothing can ever take that feeling away, not even the fear of history repeating itself. I know that God has a plan for me and for this baby growing by the minute inside my belly. Sometimes that small bundle doesn't get to bless it's parents with a face and something to hold and rock to sleep, but I know that my God will do that for them. I can't help but to again give this over to Him who knows me more than I know myself. I know there is a chance that what has happened in the past could happen again, but nothing, NOTHING can take me away from my God. A part of scripture that gives me so much hope in so many different situations is Psalm 139.

God knows me and what He has planned for me - "Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and you know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am." vs. 1-3

 Happy days or trying times, He will not be far from me - "I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!...If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you..." vs. 7, 9-12a

He formed me, just as He is forming the tiny one inside me - "You made all the delacte, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well you know it. You watch me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb." vs. 13-15

Though many of us suffer the loss of one before even given the chance to hold on - "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."  vs. 16

I have faith that someday, those ones we've loved so dearly, who were taken from us before we could touch them, we'll have a chance to meet someday when Christ comes back for us all. Though our time with them was short, God knew and planned every second they tried to hold on. They will not be forgotten by us here on this earth, and they won't be forgotten by the God who loves them as much as He loves us.

I selfishly ask for your prayers. I want to be a mom. God knows that. I tell Him everyday. But sometimes I am deaf to what God wants for me. I just hope that we are in sync and that no matter what happens, I will glorify Him in every way I know how. I want you to continue on this journey with me if I could be so blessed.