An Ending

This will probably be a blog of scattered thoughts. With the busyness of the next couple weeks and my poor record of posting often, I knew I had to make note of this bittersweet milestone I guess I would call it.

Though it was not easy in the beginning, overtime, breastfeeding Eloise became probably the most special part of being a mom for me. The vast amount of hours, day and night, that I have had Eloise at my breast is mindboggling to me.  For the first 6 months of her life, she grew and thrived off of her mother's milk alone. Some days I would grow tired of her needing to be attached to me for what seemed like all day long. Part of me misses those days so dearly. I mean, I love to see Eloise learn and grow into a little person. She amazes me everyday. But looking back now, I will forever cherish those sweet moments of closeness we shared.

It has been over two days now since I've nursed Eloise.

Though I've still been with her during the past few days, I feel like part of me is missing. I know so many mothers that have been before me will know what I'm talking about. Bittersweet is the only way I really know how to describe it. I mean you want your children to grow and learn and dream for themselves. But does it have to happen so fast? I'm so thankful we were able to continue as long as we had. 16 months. It's crazy to think that for every single day the past 16 months, Eloise has found nourishment and comfort from me. I can't help but thank an awesome God for such a marvelous creation.

There is something far greater involved in the experience of breastfeeding than just supplying your baby with milk. In the beginning they demand it. Every two hours actually, around the clock. But as Eloise got older, even to the point of her being able to ask for milk, many times that was also her way of saying, Mama, I want to cuddle and be close to you. I want to fall asleep in your arms. Warm. Cozy. Comforted. The experience is hard to describe.

As the lump in my throat grows bigger and the words on this page blur as tears fill my eyes, yes I am so incredibly thankful. But, selfishly, I am also so incredibly sad that this time in Eloise and I's journey has come to an end.

My dear, sweet Eloise, I love you more than words can say. Mama will always remember these special times. Getting to see you fall asleep at my breast, in my arms, was a daily blessing for me. Such peaceful times that will forever be in my heart.