Santa Belly

I think I could get a part-time job playing Santa Claus this season. What do you think?

 

Starting into week 29, it doesn't help that this time of year just flies by. Looking forward to just four days of work this week then a stretch of 10 days off!!! I'm hoping to take full advantage of what will be the last nice, long vacation before baby arrives. I'll be spending much of it in the house I grew up in which is always so special this time of year. Remembering so many Christmas's of years past, it's always fun to spend time with my siblings and now having growing families of our own. Mom always makes the house look so beautiful, we enjoy all her delicious Christmas cookies and candy while Dad starts a fire in the fireplace. There is really nothing like being home for the holidays.

The check off list is really winding down. We only have a few more classes left. Baby showers are scheduled, nursery is looking good and the diaper stash is growing! I found an awesome deal online a few weeks ago and had so much fun picking out all the cute colors and patterns for our baby girl. Check 'em out!

I worked on a small project this afternoon. Justin installed some roller shades in the nursery that work great to keep light out. I figure they will come in handy for afternoon naps. Anyway, they were pretty bland, so I did some stenciling on them today. What do you think?

Praying that all of you have a blessed and merry Christmas this week. Take time to remember why it is we celebrate in the first place. We have all been given a very special gift, that of a Savior that came to Earth as a sweet babe to rescue us. We are called to share that gift with those in our lives. I pray that this year we all would give Him the glory and praise He so rightly deserves!

Joy to the world, the LORD has come! Merry Christmas from the Klemsz's.

Preparation

Oh, how I love Thanksgiving! Beautiful food, delicious smells, naps in the recliner, football and added to my thankful list this year...stretchy maternity pants. : )

Justin and I had a great time visiting my family in Homer for a few days. We got our necessary Chick-fil-a buzz, spicy chicken sandwich and a delicious peppermint chocolate chip milkshake. Yum. No Black Friday deals for us, as I do our Christmas shopping pretty much all year round and had presents wrapped and under the tree before Thanksgiving. : )  Came back to Lincoln to celebrate with Justin's family - I will never complain of getting to have two Thanksgivings a year!

I really can't believe it is December already. Can you? I mean, this cold Nebraska winter wind is way too familiar it seems this year. There are only a few things I really like about winter 1) Christmas, 2) flannel sheets and 3) warm beverages (non-alcoholic this year of course ; )  But what can you do? Make sure to start your car at least 10 minutes before needing to leave the house and keep your fuzzy slippers close by.

Things have been busy on the preparing-for-baby front. Justin and I got trained in infant, child and adult CPR and started our "birth expectations" classes. We have learned (and witnessed) A LOT in the past couple weeks. I've been reading up and trying to get as educated and prepared as I can for D-day. That being said, the thing at the top of my list is to go with the flow and as prepared as I can try to make myself, I'm most importantly prepared for my "plans" to go out the window. As much as I'd love to have a natural, drug-free birth, I had the blessing of witnessing my sister go through labor and deliver my nephew, London. As much of a blessing as that was, I remember shortly after realizing to myself "yep, drugs are the way to go".  Now, being in my own situation, I've decided to prepare myself as best I could, learning and practicing my breathing patterns and having Justin practice giving me massages. ; )  We've been to three of these classes so far and I must say, each one has left me more and more confident in wanting a natural birth. That being said, remember what was at the top of my list? Yeah, allowing my plan to go out the window if I needed it to.

So you moms out there, I don't ask for you to convince me one way or another (please), but I'd love to hear your comments on what you chose or maybe were forced to do when you had your babies. Are you glad you went one way or the other? What do you remember most? What was hard and what was easy? No gory details please, just an experience that you wouldn't mind sharing.

Hope this post finds you all in a happy, healthy spirit for the season. Blessings to you all!

Letter to my daughter...

Though you haven't yet a name, my love for you is more than I could ever have imagined. Though I haven't seen your face, or felt your soft skin, my heart swells and my face smiles at the thought of you. I feel you moving, dancing I like to imagine, in my belly as I sit down to write this. You are with me always and I thank God everyday for the miracle that is you.

Your daddy and I are smitten. We love to feel you move inside me. Your dad likes to talk to you and always wants to know how you are doing. We have your pictures on the refrigerator. I thumb through them often, staring in awe and wonder, anxious for the day we get to meet you.

I pray for you. So many dreams I have for you, I pray for God's guidance and strength. For you and for me. I've wanted my whole life to be a mommy. Throughout my years, I know this feeling of happiness and love is undeserved. But we have a Gracious God, who has allowed us to share this love. A love that He first showed us.

So many thoughts run through my head through my days and nights. Wondering. Overjoyed. Awed. I'm not worried or scared. God is with me and I am trusting Him to help me be the best mom I can. I know it won't be easy. I ask for your patience with me. I've played out in my head so many things. Giving you a bath. Changing your diaper. Nursing you. Laughing with you. Rocking and singing you to sleep. Oh, how I can't wait to hold you and sing you to sleep. To smell you.

Your room is getting ready for you. I hope you like it. Your daddy has worked hard getting it just the way I want it. : )  I stop by the doorway many times everyday and just stare. Daydreaming of what life will be like with you here. 

I need you to know how much your daddy and I love you. You are an answer to our prayers. We are so excited for the amazing change that is about to take place in our lives in the next months. We are proud, blessed, overjoyed to call you ours. We love you more than we can even understand.

Love...Your Mommy

It's a......

Wow, what a long and busy day! Work was full of meetings and deadlines, had to grab dinner on the run, did some consignment shopping, and went to Bible study. Seems like there was something I was going to tell you all today, but I can't put my finger on it...; )

 ***************************************

Ok, ok. I have a confession to make. We actually had our ultrasound yesterday morning but had to wait to spill the beans till tonight because I had to wait until Grandma and Grandpa Holgate received these in the mail today...

Yes that's pink folks. Baby Klemsz is a girl! The ultrasound went great. I can't even describe how amazing it was to see every little part of her on that screen. I didn't want it to end. It's hard to believe as long as all continues to go well, I won't "see" her again till she's really her, in our arms. The doctor got some great shots that I just can't stop oooing and ahhhing over.

 

Baby girl

Kinda freaky, but you can see her face on the right looking right at you.

She cooperated very well for us to see that she was all gir!

Baby foot (measures in right now at about an inch and a half)

Leg

Arm

Spine

I'm so amazed at the detail on these ones. 

We did get to share the news with Justin's family in person last night. We all enjoyed biting into some cupcakes to see what color (pink or blue) was inside!

Needless to say, the past couple days have been very exciting! Justin and I are so extremely relieved that everything looks healthy and to top it off, we are having a baby girl. Absolutely precious. God will never cease to amaze me by His creation. As each milestone comes, everything is becoming more and more real to us and we could not be more happy, excited, blessed, to be having this experience and to be able to have so much family and friends to share in it with us. We love you all.

Voodoo Magic

So a week long vacation to Atlanta and Savannah Georgia was a fantastic idea and a success! My lovely sisters live way down south so it is always a treat to get to spend time with them. I flew down with my Mom (thanks for the first class seats, Tami!) and we had a fun (exhausting) time with the girls and of course with my almost-three-year-old nephew, London. What. A. Hoot.

Lovely ladies at the beach (Tybee Island)

 

Baby belly at the ocean.

London as "Buzz Lightyear" for trick or treating.

 

My sister, Jessica, is known to have some kind of voodoo magic/gypsy power to determine the sex of a baby while still in the womb. She has a near perfect record; don't ask me how (don't even ask her how, she doesn't know) but she did try it on my belly last week while I was staying with her. We'll see if she is right or not, but here's video of the result she came up with...

Check back tomorrow for the actual results...

Coming out...

It's official. 

I'm an outie. 

Exciting stuff around here these days! We've got belly buttons popping out, baby moving around in there and Justin trying on a sling (I wish I had a picture to prove it!). Oh, and today is the official "half-way" mark. Whew! I really can't believe how fast this is all moving.

My grand to-do list is coming along nicely. We've registered for several baby prepping classes (it's starting to really hit us that we have so much to learn still). We attended "Baby Wearing 101" last week, where Justin tried on a Maya Sling. If any of you readers out there have any advice/recommendations, I welcome them. I'm pretty sure on a Moby Wrap, but the ring sling was great, too. (And Justin looked so great wearing that thing!) I'm so excited about "wearing my baby". So many wonderful benefits I've read and heard about I just can't wait to try it out and get to have my baby close by me for much of the day. "Diaper Up!" is up this weekend. I'm really excited (yes, folks, EXCITED) to try out cloth diapers. Don't even think about trying to talk me out of it either. I'm going to give it my best and have a really great feeling about it. (Margie - I found a great online deal earlier this week that was buy one get one free for some FuzziBunz cloth diapers, so I ordered a couple with your shower gift money. I have plenty leftover too, so I'll keep you posted on what else I find!)

We had a check up earlier this week. It was fun to have a Grandma there to hear her Grand-baby's heartbeat for the first time. Other Grandmas (and Grandpas), see video below. (Note: you might have to turn up the volume a little more.)

Watching and listening to this makes me so incredibly happy. Each time I am reminded of how absolutely awesome God has made this process of creation. It gets me so excited for when I get to hold that soul in my arms for the first time. Speaking of excitement, in two weeks we go in for our next ultrasound and hopefully get to find out whether we have a boy or girl bouncing around in there. So. Freakin. Excited!

Just call me the "Queen of the Deals"

Ok, ok. I've been a horrible blogger lately. I'm sorry. All my shows started last month and I somehow have accumulated one pretty much every weekday. House, Glee, Modern Family and Fringe. I recommend them all!  And I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but we got this new glider/recliner chair and I'm in love with it! The minute I sit down, I'm not moving till it's time for bed, or when I have to go to the bathroom ; )

Anywho, so week 18 is coming to an end. I'm sorry, what? That's like almost half way! Yippee! As well as my second trimester has been treating me, I'm just so darn excited to meet the little one. Belly is continuing to expand and I couldn't be happier. My appointment a couple weeks back went well. Baby's heartbeat was 153. I'm now anxiously waiting for the next milestone...feeling the baby move. I don't know what to expect at all but they tell me I'll know when it starts. Also, about a month from now we'll have our ultrasound to see what flavor we are having. Definitely excited for that!

So, the past few weeks I've also been busy finding some sweeeeet deals! Neat Repeatz is this awesome consignment sale I heard about from a friend at church. Basically, a couple times a year, they set up this store of used baby and children's stuff to buy. It was amazing! I bought some maternity cloths for myself for pennies on the dollar of what I would have had to spend brand new. I was most excited about finding the bedding for the nursery! I came across a great pattern with colors that will work for a girl or a boy and it will match perfectly with the color the nursery is already painted! AND it was still in the packaging, AND guess how great of a deal I got on it??  Well, I found the exact bedding still available to purchase online and it was $200 plus the set I found at Neat Repeatz came with the matching mobile which sells for $40. I got both for $80.00!!!  Seriously, I have a gift people. Check out what it looks like here! I put together this gigantic "to do" list that I'd like to have done b.b.a. (before baby arrives!) Carpet cleaning is one of those and I get to check it off tomorrow! Then we'll be ready to start putting the nursery together! So excited! 

Wait, there's more. Quite possibly THE BEST deal I'll come across in my preparing for baby journey! Circle ME is another great little baby boutique that I came across. They offer FREE educational classes, a couple I attended were "Cloth Diapering 101" and "Baby Wearing 101". They too had a consignment sale last weekend that Justin and I took advantage of. We picked up, get this, a bulk package, 288 to be exact, of nursing pads for, wait for it....$5.00!  Can you believe it! I had to see for myself what and incredible deal this was so when we were at Target, we stopped by the baby section and saw you could by a box of 36 for over $5. Sweet deal...confirmed. Justin was such a trooper. I made him carry the box around for me while I continued to shop.

So that's what we've been up to! I want to send a shout out to all the wonderful friends and family who read this blog. It's so encouraging to hear your comments and your own stories. Many of you have been in our prayers. God continues to reveal to me how He's been working in our lives. We love you!

Bumps and Deals

Sorry it's been so long friends. I've had a busy couple weeks at work and September (half over already?) has been a busy month. But here I am. 15 weeks pregnant at that! Time is flying by and baby is growing (he/she better be anyway, my tummy sure is making room I'll tell ya that right now). What do you think?

I seriously can't believe how quickly the weeks are going by now. Six months from now I'm going to be holding our precious baby in my arms. I really can't believe it. I'm looking forward to my doctors appointment next week; I've been waiting to get to hear that awesome heartbeat again. I'm slowing getting anxious to be able to find out if it's a bouncing baby boy or precious baby girl growing in my belly. Many predictions are girl; Justin and I both have had dreams that it's a girl. Grandmas all say girl. In my head it's been a girl, but I've been trying to not let that get to me. Names continue to be discussed. We'll see in about seven more weeks. What a fun and exciting process!

I continue to feel better as well. I've been back to my old self in getting the house cleaned on the weekends (again, my perfect way to de-stress). Though I burned most my energy doing it, I had a chance to get some yard work done that was way over due. (Pray that all my hostas make it through the transplant!)

I was driving in an area of Lincoln the other evening that I'm never in and came by a garage sale with tons of baby stuff on the lawn. I have this dream that all of my baby gear and cloths will be used and bought (or given to me) at bargain prices. Now this is my personal opinion, wait, I don't need to defend myself, this is my blog! I'm going to go ahead and say that I think the majority of baby gear and clothes you find in the name brand stores are a huge waste of money. I mean you walk the halls and scroll the websites and see the ridiculously cute onesies and oooo and ahhh over the latest gadget that you can buy that you being a new mom just can't live without. Well folks, I'm up for the challenge. Don't get me wrong, I think they have made gigantic headway in what we know about babies and mothers these days compared to generations ago, but if you ask me, I think I turned out pretty good, and my mom, she turned out pretty fantastic as well. And you wonder not only how did my  mom do it, but how did my grandma do it? So back to my garage sale shopping...I found a what looked like a brand new pack and play (that had all the fancy gadgets even) for over $100 less than what it would of cost in the store. I mean, come on? (Charley would be proud don't you think, Margie?)

So I'm on a mission. I'm not sure where it will take me, but I'm excited to see how far I can get and how much money I can save. I'm excited to have a living, breathing, crying, pooping, baby to love and hold and hug and smell. I could care less about the $200 stroller that could walk itself and change your child's diapers for you.

Ordinary miracle...

...to God maybe.


We had our second ultra sound last week. Amazing. Beautiful. Breath-taking. Awesome. The hands of my Creator continue to amaze my mind and my soul. Take a look for yourselves...

Baby's little legs and bottom.

Baby's head and body.

Baby Klemsz. I think his/her little hand is waving 'Hi!'

I love how you can see the spine in this one.

See what I mean? It is just beyond my comprehension the amazing miracle growing and changing inside me. To God it's just an ordinary miracle. To me, so much more than that. More than I think I may even know right now. We had a chance to listen to the heart beat, too. So amazing! Brings a smile to my face every time I think of it.



Everything looked great at our check-up. I'm even a bit farther along than had first thought. Well into the 12th week, I'm beginning to feel much better (Thank you, God!). Our little bundle is due to be here on March 10, 2011. It has been great to finally get to tell people our wonderful news. I surprised my co-workers with a happy and delicious message...

I've never been one to enjoy the spotlight, but it's fun to see how excited people close to you get at a time like this. I've already enjoyed some of the best conversations with people.
My mother came to visit me last weekend to celebrate my birthday and to take me on a maternity clothes shopping spree! We had so much fun and found some super cute stuff (and some sweet deals! Cardigans $2.99, I think I'll take one in each color!) My belly can no longer be hidden!


We are excited for Husker football to start next week and the beautiful fall weather is getting closer. I love this time of year and look forward to the weeks ahead. Thank you all for the continued prayers. They have worked! I want to close this post by sharing a song that touched me the first time hearing it. The lyrics speak so much about every day occurrences that we don't ever think twice about, but how truly awesome they really are. Having a baby used to kind of be like that for me. When you wanted to start a family you did. No big deal, babies are born every day. So much I have learned and how wrong I was. Having a family is far from ordinary. I've learned this in my own life after losing our first baby and have had so many conversations with women who have struggled and continue to struggle with what may seem like a natural and easy thing to do. Yes, creating a human is just another miracle God chooses to do, but to many women, having a baby is supernatural. God created each and every one of us for a purpose. He created us to be extraordinary.


 

My little kumquat.

I have no idea what a kumquat is, but the pregnancy books and websites I read, say that my baby is now the size of a kumquat.

The 10th week begins today and I don't know if it's the beautiful weather we've had the past couple days or what, but I feel great! Today was the first day in a month that I haven't had to take medicine to make it through the day! And the past two days I've also 1) worked out and 2) made the bed! Two additional things I haven't done the past month! Could this be the beginning of a new chapter in the pregnancy? I hope so! (Gran, I think that three and a half hour nap I took on Sunday instead of going miniature golfing paid off!)

The past few days, my belly sure has made an entrance. I thought I'd better start on the belly bump pictures so in 7 more months I can see how far I've come.

A week from today we have our next ultrasound. We'll be able to see our growing baby and hear the heart beat for the first time. I'm excited and anxious. And a little nervous, hoping and praying that everything is still going well.

A song very dear to my (and Justin's) heart is "Blessed Be Your Name". It's a song that many of us connected to in college during our "Challenge Band Years". Justin and I sang it together at our wedding and we actually sang it this last Sunday while leading worship at church. So much can be learned and breathed into your life through the lyrics. I, as any of us have, have known what is it like for God to bless our lives with good things and we can praise Him and live thankfully and happily. But there are times that God may take away something from us that we just don't understand and we get angry or even turn away from Him. Though there are many aspects of my life that these ideas pertain to, none have touched me more than the hope of becoming a mom. God gave me a gift almost a year ago to date, but it wasn't long before He took that gift from me. The pain was more than anything I've ever had to bear. But I knew God was still with me. As mad as I was at Him for taking my first baby away from me, I clung close to His word and His promise that He loved me. I learned much about life and about myself that I know I would never have learned had I not have had to bear that load. I will praise Him all my days for His love and mercy for me. Now, I've been given a new gift. And as happy and thankful I am for this gift, I know that God has His hands on my life and life growing inside me. I don't take one moment of this time for granted and continue to want to know and learn what His plan is for me in all this. "God gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your Name!"

Pro.duc.tive.

What a fabulous day today! Last week was a stressful one at work and with a nervous breakdown waiting to happen, I decided to take today off.  Best. Idea. Ever.

The past few weeks, with "all-day" sickness getting worse and worse, I have had no energy or motivation to do any of my usual "around the house duties". People close to me know how much I enjoy cleaning and organizing and just tiding up around the house. It's really my way of de-stressing. Well today I got a long list of things done that I've been waiting three weeks to do. And it feels great! It took 2 nausea pills, a huge bowl of cucumbers and a big wedge of pumpkin bars to get me through, but I survived. (Yes Margie, I ate every last one of those cucumbers and every last crumb of the pumpkin bars, in one day!)

One thing in particular that I have been excited to tackle, was to go through the closet full of baby items we bought about a year ago. Shortly after discovering our pregnancy about a year ago, we came across some items for sale from a co-worker of mine. At the same time, Justin and I were in the middle of our finance study with Dave Ramsey, so the opportunity to buy some gently used baby furniture at a fraction of what it would have cost for new, was a huge blessing. Even though our first pregnancy didn't turn out how we had planned, we were still so thankful that we took advantage. For $500 we received a crib and mattress, dresser and 2 night stands (from Pottery Barn!), infant carrier and stroller, and high chair. When the lady delivered the stuff, she also brought along with her tubs of other items that she found during their move to a new home and threw all of it in at no extra cost! We got baby bottles, a mobile for the crib, sheets, Baby Bjorn carrier, Boppy pillow and Bumbo chair. I can't even tell you the amount of money that was saved and how thankful we are for such a wonderful blessing!

So anyway, today I took apart the carseat, stroller and high chair and got everything cleaned up for the new little one. Everything is a green color (my co-worker didn't know what she was having) which works out great for us! It was nice to have the motivation to dig into the exciting stuff. I can't wait to put the crib together!

 I know I love seeing baby stuff, so I thought I'd share some pictures of some of the items we have ready to go! 

Don't even say the word 'bacon'!

Progressing through this sixth week, I've experienced many changes. For the first couple weeks I was only getting a little queasy at night, just before bed. Which was pretty easy to tolerate since I could just go to sleep. Monday was the first wave of actual "morning sickness". Eww. I am one of those people who always eats breakfast. My favorite meal of the day. I couldn't even get my favorite Cinnamon Life cereal down.

If you know me pretty well, you know that I am a pretty healthy eater. I try to get all my servings of fruits and veggies in and I drink milk with my supper. That has gone to crap. Everything I crave is not good for me. For example the other night I had the option to eat whatever I wanted. Fast food included. What was my decision? Stopping by Russ's Market on the way home to pick up a box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese and a can of pork n' beans to put on top! I know right! It was so delicious. Justin could barely watch the madness.

We made BLTs the other night. It was our own "market meal" type dinner. We picked up our favorite bacon at Frank's stand at the farmers market and a fresh tomato. The sandwich was delicious. The lingering bacon grease smell in the house? Not so much. Ugh. I had to take the trash out immediately and Clorox the kitchen sink! It wouldn't go away. I had candles and air fresheners going. I could still smell it the next day coming home from work. I couldn't even eat the leftovers the next day. It was awful! There is a small breakfast shop on my walk to work that I have to totally avoid now because of the aroma of bacon. Which is so sad because it always reminded me of waking up to that smell when I stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's house on the farm. I hope that will come back someday.

The other thing that is a HUGE change for me, that has really surprised me is my realization of how tired I really must be. Now, if you've ever lived with me for any amount of time, you know that I make my bed every morning. I mean EVERY morning. I can't leave the house without knowing it's been done. Well, I'm ashamed to tell you the past week or more, the bed...has...not...been...made. Gasp!!! I'm just too tired okay? Don't judge me. It was so funny the first day this happened, Justin came to tuck me in bed and he gasped at the fact that the blankets were all messed up. He hugged me and said, "Honey, I'm so proud of you!". See, I'm telling you. This. Is. Not. Normal. This baby is preparing me for what it will be like when he/she arrives. I'll have much more important things to do than make the bed!

One last thing that changed just this morning. I had to pull out my fat jeans. 'Nuff said.

A beautiful sight...

Yesterday I witnessed one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

It didn't take long for them to confirm that baby had reached my uterus and attached successfully!! What a huge answer to prayer this was for us. I was so happy to have Justin by my side to experience our first look at the tiny being inside of me. How delicate the tiny 2 millimeter poppy seed looked. We lucked out to even get to see the tiny flash of the beating heart. The nurse said this was probably the earliest it would have been able to be seen. I stare at the sonograms in complete awe and wonder of what God is creating and I feel so blessed that He has given me the pleasure to help with the job. Justin and I can't keep the smile off our faces. After leaving the doctor's office it seemed even more real to me that this is really happening. I'll admit, I was nervous for the appointment, remembering what my very first ultra sounds were like when the outcome was not a happy one. But God gave me strength and I've been given a new energy to take on these next 8 months. We'll continue to pray for these delicate weeks ahead. Thank you for all of the prayers. You are all truly a huge part of this for us. Prayer is a powerful thing.

Keep calm and carry on

Week four is coming to an end and the start of week five is right around the corner.

I've felt pretty good this first week. Tired, but that's not really unusual for the girl who is ready to call it a day by 9:30 in the evening. I've had a gradual increase of queasiness the past few days, usually early in the morning and later in the evening, but nothing too bad. I'm sure there will be more to come, and like I've said before, I gladly welcome it!

I'm surprised at how peaceful my heart and mind has been this last week. God has truly set a calmness in my spirit that I am so thankful for. There were a couple situations this week that I wanted so badly to share our big news, but knew it was not the right time yet.

Much of my calmness is thanks to a wonderful husband. I can't thank God enough for blessing my life with someone who I know loves me more each day. We continue to learn a lot about ourselves on this newest journey our life has set upon. I can't wait for the weeks and months ahead for him to be by my side learning about what is happening to my body and the babe inside. We are getting ready in a couple weeks to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary. Say what? Five years? Already? It truly seems impossible until I really start thinking and remembering all that we've done these past five years. What an amazing story God has and continues to write for us. We are excited to see where the next five take us. 

Looking forward to the early ultrasound on Friday. We are praying that the baby made it's way safely to my uterus and that my hormone levels continue to look good. Thanks to all the many  prayers that have already been said for us. We are blessed to have you all with us on this journey.

Prego!

So we've spilled the beans to our closest family and friends. Whew! What a relief. It's hard to have such an exciting secret and all you want to do is shout it from a mountain top! Until then, you can find updates to what's happening with me and the tiny blessing growing inside me here on my blog. Since we aren't telling the whole world yet (especially not the Facebook world...Grandmothers I'm talking to you ; ) I thought keeping you special people informed by way of blogging might work out well. (In other words, I'm counting on you not to shout it from a mountain top quite yet either ; ) So I'm going to give it a shot. I ask for your prayers of course for a healthy pregnancy, but more so that whatever happens that we would continue to trust God and what His plans are for us.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Because of the ectopic I had previously they wanted to start this time taking blood tests to measure my hormone levels. They called back yesterday afternoon with the first results and the nurse said "Your numbers look great!"  Oh, how happy I was to hear that! She said they looked good enough that they wouldn't need me to come back till next Friday (July 16) when they will do an early ultrasound. I will only be in my 5th week at that time so they don't expect to see a heartbeat yet, but they will just be checking to make sure he/she is is the right spot. I'm looking forward to it, but will be nervous I'm sure. Again, I'll be posting updates as often as I can right here.

I love you all so very much and thank God that Justin and I have so many family and friends that truly care for us and we for you.

On cloud nine...

On cloud nine months that is. ; ) 

Took the test early this morning and the result..."Pregnant".  I must say I was actually really surprised. I hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary so I wasn't expecting it at all. Well I'm expecting now!  I didn't know how I would react. Of course, we've been trying again for the last two months so we wanted it to happen. But I didn't know if any feelings of sadness or fear would arise after our first pregnancy loss. But I must say, I was very happy. I even giggled with excitement to myself around 5:20am this morning as I waited for the hourglass on the test to do it's thing. I may have took a double, maybe triple-take. I had to wake Justin up (on our day off this holiday) really early. I told him he could go back to sleep, but we had too much to be excited for! He made homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Perfect way to celebrate.

It was so nice to have the day off work. I've been able to soak it in. It's crazy how your mind immediately switches to constantly thinking about the thing growing inside you now and how you want to do everything right. I feel prepared since I've been through this part once before, as far as the head knowledge you can feed yourself. There is so much out there. I'm actually finding myself at peace to not have to fill my head with it all right now. I want to take every day as it comes. Enjoying every new discovery. I've even said that I will GLADLY take any crazy pregnancy symptom there is out there. If it means that on March 15, 2011 I will become a mother to a precious girl or boy (or one of each! Did I mention I'm not against having twins?), pass me the morning sickness and a side of pickles and ice cream, I'm ready to take you on!

I will continue to praise God for this gift of excitement in learning that you are pregnant. Nothing can ever take that feeling away, not even the fear of history repeating itself. I know that God has a plan for me and for this baby growing by the minute inside my belly. Sometimes that small bundle doesn't get to bless it's parents with a face and something to hold and rock to sleep, but I know that my God will do that for them. I can't help but to again give this over to Him who knows me more than I know myself. I know there is a chance that what has happened in the past could happen again, but nothing, NOTHING can take me away from my God. A part of scripture that gives me so much hope in so many different situations is Psalm 139.

God knows me and what He has planned for me - "Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and you know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am." vs. 1-3

 Happy days or trying times, He will not be far from me - "I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!...If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you..." vs. 7, 9-12a

He formed me, just as He is forming the tiny one inside me - "You made all the delacte, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well you know it. You watch me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb." vs. 13-15

Though many of us suffer the loss of one before even given the chance to hold on - "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."  vs. 16

I have faith that someday, those ones we've loved so dearly, who were taken from us before we could touch them, we'll have a chance to meet someday when Christ comes back for us all. Though our time with them was short, God knew and planned every second they tried to hold on. They will not be forgotten by us here on this earth, and they won't be forgotten by the God who loves them as much as He loves us.

I selfishly ask for your prayers. I want to be a mom. God knows that. I tell Him everyday. But sometimes I am deaf to what God wants for me. I just hope that we are in sync and that no matter what happens, I will glorify Him in every way I know how. I want you to continue on this journey with me if I could be so blessed.

My Mom

Today is my mother's 60th birthday. She is the absolute best mom in the whole world. No really. She is. My mom is my best friend. As early as I can remember, I always loved spending time with my mom. She loves to play games, go shopping, cook, sit down for a great meal, watch movies or just sit and talk. Having been "out of the house" for several years now, so much of who I am and what I do is a reflection, sometimes mirror image, of how much I am like her.

This past weekend my sister and I pulled off a surprise birthday party for her. I say "pulled off" because it wasn't easy and there were a couple close calls. With my sister and brother-in-law living in Atlanta, Georgia, my mom isn't able to spend nearly enough time with her first grandchild, London. That birthday gift was an easy pick: fly Jessica and London home to tell her happy birthday in person. Check out her reaction here!

Beautiful. It's just beautiful and breathtaking what a grandchild can do to a grandma's heart. It brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Next up was to distract Mom by taking her to get a pedicure. Not too hard to do. While the girls were out, a few family and friends set up the scene that Mom is usually taking care of...the food! The guests arrived and huddled in the garage so when we pulled in and hit the garage door opener...SURPRISE!! So much family and so many friends came to celebrate such a special lady. It was so much fun.

I'm so thankful and blessed to have the mom that I do. I would not even be close to the woman I am today without her love and influence. I can only hope and pray that I can be the kind of mother she is one day. I know when that day comes, I'll have one more thing to be thankful for...that she is the best grandma any child could have. I love you, Mom. Happy, Happy birthday. May our lives be blessed with many more to celebrate with you.

Impetus

Impetus - n. definition - the force or energy with which something moves.

My husband says I'm the impetus and I proudly take it as a compliment. I love to organize. Closets, kitchen cabinets, my Outlook inbox. Anything. You name it, I would love to organize it for you. This weekend spurred a spontaneous energy to organize.

We've been wanting to spruce up a random room in our small home that was quickly becoming too cramped for comfort. It housed our computer which is used a lot. Whether it's to sit down together to update the budget, set up the web cam to chat with my nephew, or to kill zombies on a Sunday afternoon (you'll have to ask Justin about that one). Our elliptical machine is also located in the room which soon after buying we realized we'd need to have a TV located directly in front of this machine for any "ellipticising" to be had. Check. But now that we had this nice, new flat screen TV, we thought "why would we ever watch our old tube TV in the living room. We should get a love seat to fit in here so we can watch TV whether we are working out or not. Basically, after a few months, other than having to leave the room to use the bathroom, we could have lived in that small random room. There was barely enough room to even vacuum. (Is that really a downfall??)

Lucky for me, I have a talented sister with a degree in interior design. After discussing my frustration with what the room was turning into, she helped me with a floor plan that would drastically change the purpose and use of the room. She also helped me pick out a new paint color to give it an even more dramatic change and a brand new feel to it. You know what I'm talking about. I highly recommend her opinions and advice and you can check out some of her work or contact her to help you too at Box It Design or visit her Esty Shop - Box It Design.

Needless to say, after painting and rearranging I thought to myself "What the heck, why not take everything out of these two closets and organize them as well!" Let's just say I'm headed to the Goodwill after work to make a trunk full of donations! You can ask Justin, at one point in my organizing frenzy I think I said "This is the happiest day of my life!" Obviously that is so far from the truth, but that was what I felt in that instant. It is so freeing and refreshing to get rid of useless stuff and organize the useful stuff so that it can be just that, useful.

I thanked my husband for supporting me in my "won't sleep till this is finished" attitude I've had the past week getting this done. He in turn thanked me for being "the impetus". I'm happy and completely satisfied with how the room turned out. I hate to admit this, but I was even kinda excited to get up at 5:30 this morning just so I could "ellipticise" in the newly created space. I hope the excitement wears off soon...

Another round

Well I only had to wait one more day, and let's just say I didn't have to take a test to know that I was NOT pregnant. I'm glad I didn't even buy a test yet and waste time on that. So anyway...

I'm good. It's just fine that the baby making was unsuccessful this month. I must say, at this point, it's much easier to stomach the fact that it just didn't work this time. It was much harder to handle getting a positive test and being pregnant for 2 months and then losing it. So, I really am fine with it.

Like I've said and will continue to live by, God is in control of this and I'm relieved about that. I'm relieved that when it doesn't work out, I know it's for a reason and along the same line, I'll be ecstatic when it does work because I know it's God's will.

So the counting of days starts all over again. Trying is the fun part anyway, right? ; )

Wait

So the waiting game has been underway. Two days left (hopefully). I plan to update this blog with the results. It has been incredible how the last couple weeks have really changed me. When we first decided to start trying again, I had mixed feelings. Of course I want to be a mom and am so excited for that day to come. But a big part of me was still very nervous about having my past experience with an ectopic pregnancy happen again. For emotional reasons no doubt, but the physical pain it caused as well. I remember at certain points that I really felt like I couldn't handle the pain any more, and I knew I never wanted that to happen again.

Well, my fears have since subsided quite a bit. I've been overly excited to know if the test will say yes. I have my hunches, but part of you always thinks your mind is playing tricks on you because you are biased about the outcome. So we'll see. I of course have long since given this to God. I know He has a plan and always has had one. I am praying that my desire to become a mom is part of that plan He has for me.

Another thing I noticed recently that has changed this time around is the focus of my thoughts. The first time around, all I could think about was "being pregnant" and the excitement and changes that come with that. It was mostly about me. Now the picture is SO MUCH BIGGER than that! I'm much more focused on "being a mom".  How to raise a family, how to stay strong in my faith, how to stay strong in my marriage. How life can work if I stay home to raise my family. God has shown me so many doors and so many families out there who are living proof of what it takes. I've been so encouraged. So here's to the waiting game. Have I mentioned the lessons in patience God continues to teach me...

Start small

So today I made a goal for myself to create at least one new post a week. So Thursday is the day. If I haven't posted anything else during the week, Thursday will be the day that I force myself to write something. As uncreative as it may turn out, I need to start small and start somewhere in this world of blogging. I love routine. Make that, I eat, sleep and breathe routine. Literally. So since blogging hasn't been part of my routine for all these years, I'm slowly trying to find where and how it will fit. That is all for now. Now it's lunchtime. Like I said, eat routine. 

So I can live like no one else...

Almost a year ago, Justin and I enrolled in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We weren't drowning in debt, desperate for a way out, I was more curious to what kind of information I could learn. Since it was being offered with full reimbursement through my employer, I told Justin I was going to enroll whether he went with me or not. He committed to it with me and if you asked him today, I'm sure he'd agree with me in that it may have been the best decision we made in 2009.

I don't think that I'll ever be able to put a price on the life-long lessons and advice that Dave has to offer.  Like I said before, we weren't drowning in debt. We had one car loan and student loan payments each month, as well as a mortgage. The motivation alone that you receive from FPU is worth the time commitment it takes to really get a grasp of your finances and change from you working for your money, to your money working for you. In just a few short months we were able to pay off our car loan and are now in the process of tackling the remainder of the student loan. We are on track to have it paid off before the end of 2010!

It's not easy passing up shopping sprees with your snowball money. Not at all. But just the thought that someday (luckily for us that day will be here very soon) we won't have "snowball money" to pay off our next debt is so motivating. Budgeting gets easier every month, savings grows and debt disappears. It really is true that like Dave says, "If you live like no one else, someday you can LIVE like no one else!"  I'm so thankful to have found this resource so early on in my adult life. Though there will be challenges along the way, I'm so looking forward to our financial future together.

One thing to note is that I could not in a million years done this successfully without the support of my husband. This has definitely been a team effort and I highly recommend working together with your spouse.

Here's to the journey to a happy, financially-stress-free retirement...someday. : )

Starting up my next hill...

Mountains and Valleys

This post from www.incourage.me was shared with me by a great friend. No matter what challenges you are faced with, this may help you put a perspective on what God might be doing in your life. Take a glance.

Healed but not erased...

05.18.2010

Today could have been the happiest day of my life. God thought otherwise. Today was the day I could have become a mother. God had other plans.

So much has happened, changed really, in me over the past 9 months. From the most unbelievable excitement to seeing the "yes" on the test, to the overwhelming physical pain and emotional sadness that is to lose your "baby". All of that seems so small now in comparison to the complete change of mind that God has instilled in me about what it means to be a parent. Though He has healed me, it will never be erased.

I've been waiting for this day to come. In the beginning, it was for obvious reasons. Right after the loss, it was angrily anticipating the day that God took from me. Slowly, I started seeing glimpses of Him in the whole situation, pursuing my heart and my thoughts on what this really was about. Just a few short weeks ago, my anticipation turned to gratefulness and praise.

God is good. He always has been, always will be. That does not mean that by following Him, your life will always be "good". On the surface, many things are so bad. Horrible even. But God (who is good) can show love and goodness in the midst of the darkness. He has shown me. And I am thankful and grateful that I know Him and He knows me. And on this day, May 18, 2010, that will forever hold a bittersweet place in my heart, I will sing praises to Him. I trust and have faith that God has a plan for me. In the aspect of becoming a mother, I can only hope and pray that someday that would be part of that plan. I will not stop hoping, but I will also not stop loving and praising my God.

"Let my cry come right into Your presence, God; provide me with the insight that comes only from Your Word. Give my request Your personal attention, rescue me on the terms of Your promise. Let praise cascade off my lips; after all, You've taught me the truth about life! And let Your promises ring from my tongue; every order You've given is right." - Psalm 119:169-172 The Message