On cloud nine...

On cloud nine months that is. ; ) 

Took the test early this morning and the result..."Pregnant".  I must say I was actually really surprised. I hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary so I wasn't expecting it at all. Well I'm expecting now!  I didn't know how I would react. Of course, we've been trying again for the last two months so we wanted it to happen. But I didn't know if any feelings of sadness or fear would arise after our first pregnancy loss. But I must say, I was very happy. I even giggled with excitement to myself around 5:20am this morning as I waited for the hourglass on the test to do it's thing. I may have took a double, maybe triple-take. I had to wake Justin up (on our day off this holiday) really early. I told him he could go back to sleep, but we had too much to be excited for! He made homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Perfect way to celebrate.

It was so nice to have the day off work. I've been able to soak it in. It's crazy how your mind immediately switches to constantly thinking about the thing growing inside you now and how you want to do everything right. I feel prepared since I've been through this part once before, as far as the head knowledge you can feed yourself. There is so much out there. I'm actually finding myself at peace to not have to fill my head with it all right now. I want to take every day as it comes. Enjoying every new discovery. I've even said that I will GLADLY take any crazy pregnancy symptom there is out there. If it means that on March 15, 2011 I will become a mother to a precious girl or boy (or one of each! Did I mention I'm not against having twins?), pass me the morning sickness and a side of pickles and ice cream, I'm ready to take you on!

I will continue to praise God for this gift of excitement in learning that you are pregnant. Nothing can ever take that feeling away, not even the fear of history repeating itself. I know that God has a plan for me and for this baby growing by the minute inside my belly. Sometimes that small bundle doesn't get to bless it's parents with a face and something to hold and rock to sleep, but I know that my God will do that for them. I can't help but to again give this over to Him who knows me more than I know myself. I know there is a chance that what has happened in the past could happen again, but nothing, NOTHING can take me away from my God. A part of scripture that gives me so much hope in so many different situations is Psalm 139.

God knows me and what He has planned for me - "Oh Lord, you have examined my heart and you know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am." vs. 1-3

 Happy days or trying times, He will not be far from me - "I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!...If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--but even in darkness I cannot hide from you..." vs. 7, 9-12a

He formed me, just as He is forming the tiny one inside me - "You made all the delacte, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--and how well you know it. You watch me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb." vs. 13-15

Though many of us suffer the loss of one before even given the chance to hold on - "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."  vs. 16

I have faith that someday, those ones we've loved so dearly, who were taken from us before we could touch them, we'll have a chance to meet someday when Christ comes back for us all. Though our time with them was short, God knew and planned every second they tried to hold on. They will not be forgotten by us here on this earth, and they won't be forgotten by the God who loves them as much as He loves us.

I selfishly ask for your prayers. I want to be a mom. God knows that. I tell Him everyday. But sometimes I am deaf to what God wants for me. I just hope that we are in sync and that no matter what happens, I will glorify Him in every way I know how. I want you to continue on this journey with me if I could be so blessed.