Wait

So the waiting game has been underway. Two days left (hopefully). I plan to update this blog with the results. It has been incredible how the last couple weeks have really changed me. When we first decided to start trying again, I had mixed feelings. Of course I want to be a mom and am so excited for that day to come. But a big part of me was still very nervous about having my past experience with an ectopic pregnancy happen again. For emotional reasons no doubt, but the physical pain it caused as well. I remember at certain points that I really felt like I couldn't handle the pain any more, and I knew I never wanted that to happen again.

Well, my fears have since subsided quite a bit. I've been overly excited to know if the test will say yes. I have my hunches, but part of you always thinks your mind is playing tricks on you because you are biased about the outcome. So we'll see. I of course have long since given this to God. I know He has a plan and always has had one. I am praying that my desire to become a mom is part of that plan He has for me.

Another thing I noticed recently that has changed this time around is the focus of my thoughts. The first time around, all I could think about was "being pregnant" and the excitement and changes that come with that. It was mostly about me. Now the picture is SO MUCH BIGGER than that! I'm much more focused on "being a mom".  How to raise a family, how to stay strong in my faith, how to stay strong in my marriage. How life can work if I stay home to raise my family. God has shown me so many doors and so many families out there who are living proof of what it takes. I've been so encouraged. So here's to the waiting game. Have I mentioned the lessons in patience God continues to teach me...